Five Months, 447 Miles, and One Spreadsheet

Go ahead, start making fun of me now, you’ll need the head start.

Ready?

I kept a bird hunting journal this year. (Date, location, species, take, shotgun, mileage, etc.)

The whole season.

Didn’t miss recording a day out.

Details I later compiled and used to calculate statistics. In a spreadsheet.

What? I was drinking. On a Tuesday. With Excel open. How do YOU procrastinate during tax season?

Some Numbers

Days afield: 37

                  Pretty good.

Days afield alone: 15

                  Easiest way to get out after work, and I’m not alone with the dog.

Days afield with others: 22

                  I have some friends. Apparently about ten. Low quantity, high quality.

Days skunked: 13

                 No shame in sightseeing.

Days skunked while with others: 8 of 13

                 Hmmm, about those friends of mine…

Species Pursued: 7 (plus waterfowl)

                 Blue, Ruffed, Sharptailed and Sage Grouse. Pheasant, Chukar and Dove. And ducks.

Miraculous points, shots or retrieves:

                 They’re all miraculous. And long stories best told over strong drink. With friends.

Birds Killed: 60

                 Ate them fresh, froze them, or smoked them. Stir fry, confit, fajitas, chukar soup with rice…

Planted birds: zero

                  I understand planted birds for children and the infirm. Stout and I are neither. Fight for habitat.

Days I remembered to log our mileage: 18 of 37

                 Sometimes the beer came out before my OCD kicked in.

Mileage as logged for me: 117           Stout: 217

                 This doesn’t account for the days she went swimming for ducks and I sat on my butt.

Extrapolated mileage for me: 241      Stout: 447

                  I could have hunted all the way from my house to Veedauwoo, Wy.

Miles per bird: 4.0                                 Stout: 7.4

                  Probably not calorically efficient. Especially the chukar.

Pairs of breeks worn: Zero.

                 At least, not worn hunting. We won’t cover what I do in the privacy of my own home, whilst nattily appurtenanced.

Shotguns hunted with: 3 (Betsy, THE TOOL and The Czech)

                 Of course I name my shotguns, I make spreadsheets about bird hunting. Don’t act like you’re not weird, too.

Most efficient shotgun: THE TOOL

                  A black plastic semi-automatic 12 gauge. Unwelcome at driven shoots on the moor.

Most storied shotgun: Betsy

                  With me for more than thirty years. My first gun. An Ithica O/U in 20 gauge.

Most disappointing shotgun: The Czech

                  Almost a hundred years old, the Czech developed a loose rib just as we were getting to know each other this year. Hopefully he’ll be back in action after a little R&R.

Bags of Kettle Chips consumed at the end of the day: Eleventeen Mazillion.

                  I lost count at “bunches”.

Times the dog got her head stuck in a chip bag while I ran in for coffee: 1

                  She was unapologetic.

States hunted in: 3

                  Wyoming, Montana, Utah.

Trips already in the works for next year: 3

                  Looking forward to good friends in new country.

Months hunted: 5

                  And we’d have kept on going, if we could have.

Bad days experienced: 0

                  But we already knew that. Now I’ve got to get to my taxes.